I’ve been in therapy and on my medications for two months now and I wanted to give an update on how I’m doing, and how my life is going at the moment.
My medications were upped a month in from 100 mg of Gabapentin and 5 mg of Abilify once a day (at night because they make me sleepy) to 200 mg of Gabapentin and 7.5 mg of Abilify. (Still once a day.) The medications being upped were because I was rapid-cycling hypomanic moods. Since upping the dosage of my medications, those episodes have calmed down and I can say that I am more stable than I have been in a long time.
My brain feels less foggy. Before my medications it was as if I couldn’t focus or concentrate on anything at all. Since being on my medications I’ve found my concentration has exceeded what it was before. I can focus on one task at a time. I don’t feel easily overwhelmed or feel the need to jump from one task to another.
Insomnia who? Before my medications my insomnia was so bad. As soon as I adjusted to my first dose of pills my insomnia returned. I was having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep once again. Then I started on the new dosage, and now I sleep like a baby. (Where did this phrase come from, did they realize that babies literally never sleep?) Seriously though, I pass out by 9:30/10:00 P.M.
But I do have to add that over the last month, I have completely lost motivation to do anything at all. I don’t understand that aspect of things. I have had so much I wanted to do, but it seems my motivation has dissipated.
I need to hold myself accountable for my own life and make my own motivation. It won’t just come o me. So I’m going to get back into my groove.
One thing I am trying to learn to do is work around my toddler. It is so hard to try to watch a toddler and work at the same time when he is into everything. I constantly lose my train of thought and find it hard to continue to stay “in the zone” so to speak.
Learning to get into a groove with him is taking some time so please bare with me. I love blogging and have been a big blogger since around 2005. I hate that I’m letting myself and my followers down by not blogging that often. I promise you and myself I will do better.
I have also just switched therapists. I really liked my therapist a lot, but there were a few issues that made me unhappy with my service. I decided to switch because I need to better myself and I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere. The amount of guilt I feel is tremendous and I keeping having this thought that I hope she isn’t upset with me.
I feel like a new me. I feel more stable than I have in a long time and I do truly love this new version of myself. I’ve never felt this confident before in my life. I’m learning to love myself in a way I never have before and it’s such an amazing feeling. One I never thought was possible.
I am up for the challenge of getting my entire to do list done this month. (It’s a long one!) But I think I can do it because there is so much that I am working on that I am truly excited for. My outlook on life is a lot more positive than it has been in a long time.
Two months in and I feel like a different person. Someone that I would like to be friends with. Despite the challenges that I have come across, I still feel like I am on the right track. There are just some things that I need to work on and I’ll get to where I really want to be.