A lot of different things have happened to me in my life. Some I’ve spoken a lot about and others I’ve hidden away out of fear of repurcussions from the person(s) these things happened to me by. But I’ve decided to finally use my voice to voice MY story. Things that were said/done to me that not a lot of people know about. Things that still bother me to this day. These things bother me so much that I’m shaking just thinking about writing them.
They will not be in today’s post, as this is just a Preface for what is to come. I’ve wanted to write an entire book on these things, but every single time I sit down to write it, I feel sick. My brain relives the trauma every single time I think about these things and I hate it. But it doesn’t help that for whatever reason, I’ve been terrified of this person and what they might do for the last ten years. But it’s not fair to myself anymore.
I got through my physical abuse because it was a one time thing and I talked about it all the time. But when it comes to my emotional and sexual abuse trauma, I just can’t talk about it. I’ve come to realize it’s because the former is still an issue.
I’m not going to be telling these stories to get the perpetrator(s) in trouble of any kind as I do not care about that. I’m going to tell MY story to help ME heal from the years of trauma caused. I will hide the identities of the individuals in my stories because I don’t want anyone to attack them either. I just want to tell my stories so I can help others know that their stories are important and valid, too and that they should not waste 15 years of their lives stewing on them.
Of course, 15 years of trauma is a lot to have to uncover and I will need to break everything down into bite sized pieces so I don’t overload you; my readers.
I believe my bipolar started when I was in middle school and suffered through the trauma of constant bullying for two years. (I’m talking some truly evil things not just name calling.) But I think that I only got worse due to the things that happened to me over the last fifteen years. I can no longer sit back and allow my stories to stay hidden away.
I hope you stick around to read them, please subscribe if you have not already so you can be notified when I post them. And please, I hope I inspire you to allow your own voice to be heard, your own #METOO stories (sexual assault), #NOMORE stories (domestic violence), or just anything that has traumatized you. We all deserve to have our voices heard and I hope to read some of your own stories.
For now, this is all I have to say. Each story will come with a trigger warning. I have barely began thinking about this and am in the early process of organizing my thoughts, I’ll notify everyone as soon as I’m ready to proceed with writing these stories. Until then, I will continue with the other things I have planned.
Sending love and comfort to anyone who has been through trauma. You’ve got this.