Today marks the seventh year that I’ve been married to Nathan and in those seven years we’ve learned a lot together. We have also watched people come together and get married while also watching people’s marriages fall apart. It breaks my heart because a lot of them seemed to have just given up instead of fighting for their marriage and I’m here to tell you about a few different things I’ve learned over the years. An insight into how to keep your marriage alive.
Do NOT Sweat The Small Stuff
This one I cannot stress enough. Those little arguments about things that are bugging you on your bad days, in the end, they DON’T matter AT ALL. Let the little shit go. Seriously, if you let these little things eat at you then you’re just going to end up in a vicious cycle where you continue to argue about little things. Dirty socks left around the house, one of you having an off day and being grumpy in the morning, or finding another cup that wasn’t placed in the sink; these things should not be concentrated on. Don’t waste your energy on the negative shit that can be moved on from easily.
Ask For Help When You Need It
We all need help and pride can make us never ask for the help that we are begging for deep down. No one wants to be vulnerable but sometimes, we need to be in order to help ourselves. Who better to turn to for help then our spouse? Maybe you’ve even just been having a hard time at work and just want a little more help out with kids or the house.
Have Open Discussions
Don’t hold things inside. It’s the worst thing you can do for yourself and any of your relationships. You need to be able to let your feelings out in a healthy way and one of those ways can be opening up and talking to your spouse about whatever is bothering you. Or hell, maybe even things that bothered you before you two were together. They could be the person that could open your eyes up to a new view on an old issue. We all need someone like that in our lives. It’s okay to lean on your spouse sometimes. And I find the deep conversations about life, both past and present, help me feel a lot more connected to Nathan.
Find Things You Love To Do Together
You need to be able to bond with your spouse and one of the ways to do that is to find something that you both enjoy together. Find something that interests you both or that you would both be open to exploring and do it. It can bring a whole new freshness to your marriage and create a sense of bonding that maybe you didn’t have before. And you can easily get creative with this while in stay-at-home orders. The internet has a plethora of ideas out there for you to try.
Take Interest In Each Other’s Hobbies
But don’t forget this one when you’re finding things you want to do together. You should both take the time to participate in each other’s hobbies in one way or another. It’s a great way to show that you support and care for your spouse. For instance, Nathan loves fishing so I’ll go with him at least once a year because I know it’s something that he really loves even though I find it rater boring. I like to see the kid-like smile he gets on his face even if we don’t catch anything and it’s another way for the two of us to bond together.
Support Each Other
Don’t ever give up on this. No matter what it is you should support each other. Whether it’s a dream or a hobby or even just through a hard time. You need to be there for one another and support one another. It will make your marriage so much stronger. If one of you is struggling with mental health the best thing that you can do for your spouse or your spouse can do for you is to support you through whatever you are going through. If you don’t find that support job-wise or mental health wise then your marriage will never survive because it will end up with one of you resenting the other. For instance, I don’t care for hunting but Nathan loves it and I’ve supported him in pursing that. And he has supported me in some of my crazy business ideas. Even when they’ve ended up bad. And in the end, it’s made our marriage so much stronger. You also need to know when to accept help from your spouse and listen to the suggestions they may have. You don’t have to take them but you should at least try out their suggestions or the very least, consider them. They might just know you better than you do.
Be Each Other’s Best Friends
This is by far the most important one. I remember the guys I dated before Nathan and how I never once considered them even a friend. I had a separation in my mind. I had friends and then I had a boyfriend. I never considered them to be both. But with Nathan, I’ve always considered him my best friend. Because a best friend is a person you turn to in a time of need or that you can share things with that you wouldn’t be able to share with anyone else. Or just someone to laugh and enjoy life with and I love that I get to call him my best friend. I’ve never been as close with someone as I am with him. We have the same thoughts 99% of the time and we can read each other like a book. We know when to give each other space if we need it or reach out if the other seems upset but isn’t talking. And I can only attribute this to the fact that he’s the best friend I’ve ever had.
These are things I’ve learned in the seven years I’ve been married and I really hope that those of you who have just gotten married or maybe are going through a rough time in your marriage or relationship that you take these tips and use them to your advantage because these are all things that have made our marriage stronger and has helped us get through some seriously hard times. Your spouse is the person you’re supposed to spend your life with and in order to do that you need to bond with them and you need to be able to lean on them and you need to be able to healthily communicate with them.
I hope these tips have helped you and if you have anymore, please leave them down below. I have so many more, but seven felt fitting given what today is. ❤