I’ve been wanting to write about this subject for a little while. I’ve been seeing and reading all these posts about the “Orgasm Gap” which is basically how men always cum and women hardly ever do.
I’ve got my own opinion on this subject and I’m not sure it goes with the majority opinion.
What is The Orgasm Gap?
The o-gap (as I like to call it) is the gap between male and female orgasms. In a study of 800 college students they found a 52% gap. This gap is different when comparing relationship sex and hookup sex. There’s a 17% gap in relationship sex.
This means that men are cumming 52% of the time on average. The thought behind this is that there’s so much emphasis put on penetrative sex and no clitoral stimulation. (Almost all women can orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Only 25% can orgasm through penetration alone.)
Here’s a great article from Psychology Today that goes into more detail.
I’ve had my fair share of both hookup and relationship sex. I’ve had my fair share of partners. (I’m not ashamed to admit this. I’m human and love sex. It’s really that simple.) There were times I didn’t orgasm during hookup sex. Those times I was:
- not comfortable/relaxed
These are reasons I don’t orgasm with N, too. Because I’ve always focused on my own orgasm. I’ve never put the penis on a pedestal and made sure that the male orgasm-ed. I’m sorry but if we’re hooking up in any form (relationship or one-night-stand) I’m making sure I come. You aren’t the only one participating.
I think the problem is there are so many women that have it in their head that they can’t orgasm easily (you can if you relax) and that sex is just missionary position. If you can’t get off from penetration alone – RIDE THAT COCK. Seriously. You get on top, being on top allows you to control how deep he is inside of you AND your clit rubs on him, stimulating it.
For the longest time, this was the only way I could orgasm. But that didn’t bother me. That didn’t stop me. I always made sure I was on top. I never once had a guy not want me on top. If you’re hooking up with a guy that just wants to be on top and be done, leave. Don’t stick around for that shit. Stick up for yourself and your right to Orgasm.
We can close this gap if more women focus on themselves. Sure you should focus on your partner too, you don’t need to become selfish. But you do need to make your orgasm a priority.
If the guy wants to be on top, use your hand, stimulate yourself. Don’t just lay there. STOP PUTTING THE PENIS ON A PEDESTAL. Your vagina is just as important as his penis. So make sure you get yourself off.
If I would have relied on the guy to make me orgasm all these years, I would have had FAR LESS orgasms. I’ve always made my orgasm a priority. It’s the point of sex. The point is not to just let the guy fuck you until they come. You are BOTH SUPPOSED TO FEEL GOOD.
I think that if YOU don’t orgasm it shouldn’t be put on the man. It should be put on you. You didn’t make sure to get yourself off. You didn’t make sure to stimulate your clit.
BUT I know sometimes guys can cum quickly and then you didn’t get enough time to orgasm. If it’s your partner talk about it so he goes slower next time. So there’s at least an orgasm given before he’s inside of you. If he’s a hook-up, don’t hook-up with him again.
I also think that if you didn’t orgasm, you need to lay there and make yourself cum. Because that’s what you were doing. You were both having sex, you BOTH deserve to cum. If he has a problem with it, leave. Don’t bother with him again. He’s the type of guy that’s an arrogant douchebag and shouldn’t be allowed to have sex. STOP HOOKING UP WITH THESE GUYS.
Stop making your orgasm someone else’s responsibility.
Okay, my rant is over. I really hope that I didn’t make too many people mad. This is my opinion and how I feel. I think we can drop this orgasm-gap at least some if more women put their own orgasm as a priority. ❤