When I first heard the word “cock” at the age of 13, I thought it was the most exciting, hilarious word. We even had a math teacher named “Mr.Cox” and would giggle about his name during lunch time.
Then I lost my virginity at 14.
It was such a strange phenomenon. That summer. Going from middle school to high school and no longer being a virgin. It was definitely one of the summers in my life that really stick out. One that really changed me. But I remember still giggling about losing my virginity with my friends and trying to act like an adult, but not feeling at all like one. It was a time in my life much like the Britney Spears song “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.”
As time went on and I matured more, sex was no longer something to be embarrassed to talk about.
I remember the first real sex conversation I had. I was 18 and my oldest was only a few months old. A couple of the other teen moms and I had to run an errand for our teen parenting class. While we ran the said errand, we talked about the sex we were having with our kids’ fathers. It was the dirtiest conversation I had, had in my life. But it was enthralling. We talked about shower sex. (A & B were having it. K and I were not.) And we talked about anal. (Two out of the four of us had tried it and liked it. The other two had not.)
I mentioned how cool it was to have a real conversation like that. Without mindless giggling over what we were talking about. Despite having a child and being 18, it was the first time in my life I felt truly mature.
A, made a comment, “Why? It’s just sex.” She said with a shrug then fixed her lip gloss.
I turned back around in my seat and that’s when it really clicked in my head that it was just sex. That everyone, everywhere was doing it. It was a natural thing that people did. It’s how we create more humans. And it’s fun.
The following year, my son’s dad (D) and I had broken up and I began to really find myself. During that summer, I learned a new meaning of “it’s just sex.” I had a couple one-night-stands. Something I’d never done before and found it exhilarating.
IT WAS JUST SEX. There was no attachment, no commitment. No feelings of “is he going to call me?” Because it was mutual that it was only a one-time thing. I didn’t have to worry about it turning into another sick obsession.
And now I bring you today. Another time in my life where I’m changing. I’ve “came out” so-to-speak as an erotica author and sex-blogger. And for the first time in my life, I really truly feel like I’m onto something. I’ve found my real passion in life. I’ve found a subject I really enjoy writing about and I no longer care what others might think of me. But since joining the community I’ve found out the internet isn’t what I thought it was.
Instead of the internet becoming more open to sex, it’s starting to shun the topic, again. Communities where sex workers can be together and talk are being shut down. So are communities where people of the LGBTQ+ community could ask questions and be together. People are being turned away from advertising for talking or writing about sex. It’s amazing how the subject is treated like such a filthy thing.
And I don’t understand why because at the end of the day it’s one of the most natural things.
IT’S JUST SEX.