-Series Post 001-
Ashley’s Tips is a series focused on providing you tips for a more fulfilling sex life! These posts go into great detail about sex and I suggest anyone sensitive to this kind of talk to leave this page. (But maybe you shouldn’t because maybe you need my tips more than you even realize.) Also, this is purely my opinionated advice and I am not, nor do I claim to be a sex therapist.
There’s a Reason it’s Called Foreplay
“Before” is literally in the name and is everything that leads up to sex. It’s an important part of sex as it builds up the chemistry between you and your partner, and can make sex 10X better. Foreplay also helps turn you on before the actual intercourse begins. The best part is foreplay can be more than just fingering, handjobs and oral sex.
What is considered foreplay?
Every person is different and every person responds to sensations in different ways. So what might work for your best friend, might not work for you. Communication is the BEST thing. (There’ll be a post on this later.) Make sure you let your partner know what turns you on and what doesn’t. They cannot read your mind and therefore won’t know exactly what you like/dislike.
Foreplay of this kind – using your mouth in any way – can be stimulating even when not used for oral sex. Kissing is sensual in its own. But nibbling slightly on your partner’s lips can add a whole other sensation.
Lightly treading kisses down the throat, across the collarbone, chest, stomach, naval, hips and thighs can all add more fire to the moment. Make sure you use your mouth, tongue and lips on other areas of the body than just the mouth, vagina, and penis.
The next time you must part from your partner, kiss them as if you won’t be able to again. Use your tongue to envelope their’s and then pull their bottom lip between your teeth for a soft sensual nibble. It’ll leave them thinking about you the rest of the day.
Running your hands all over one another and really feeling each and every inch of each other can add another level of passion. Touch ignites your nerves. You can trail your fingers lightly along their skin, creating and feeling the goosebumps that pop up. Use your hands to feel around their body and find the parts of them that really make them moan or squirm.
Make sure to lightly touch them on their legs, abdomen and everywhere else BUT their penis/vagina to drive them wild. The best part about this sort of foreplay is you can drive each other wild all damn day. Even when company is around. Lightly touching and rubbing on each other can easily be done in a sensual manner without going overboard.
Use your fingertips to trail your partner’s arm or back, lightly. The memory of your light touch will leave them wanting more later.
Flirting is the biggest form of foreplay and I’ve saved it for last because it is the most important one. When you spend an entire day flirting with your partner (whether it be in person or through email/text) you’re actively engaging with them in a sexual manner. Even when it seems completely unsexual.
This is the most important piece of advice that I have for married couples (or couples who aren’t married but have been together for a while). Because it seems that people believe they don’t need to do this sort of thing once they are married. As if they don’t have to try hard because there isn’t that initial in love kind of passion. But this way of thinking can actually be harmful to your sex life.
Continuously flirting with your spouse/partner keeps that passion alive and can help reignite something you might have thought was lost.
When you wake up in the morning, make a comment about what’s going to happen that night when you go to bed. Combine this with my above advice. Then throughout the day, send each other the naughty thoughts you’re thinking of. Make sexual innuendos (my favorite) and describe what you want them to do to you/what you want them to do to you. Maybe send a sexy picture or two. That night, when you’re both together for dinner, lightly kiss and touch each other while continuing the sexy talk. Even if it’s innuendos you have to keep up with because your children are around. Then when you both are finally in bed, drop all your reservations. Drop all the stress from the day and focus on just the two of you.
Foreplay is IMPORTANT for Women
Women need foreplay (remember this may not apply to EVERY woman and I’m not insinuating that at all) in order to really enjoy sex. Have you ever tried to drive your car in 0-degree weather without warming it up first? Yeah, it just doesn’t seem to run right. This is because you have to warm your engine up. You have to get it ready to drive in those conditions. Women are much the same.
We need to be warmed up before we can start driving. If foreplay is skipped, it takes a lot longer to get turned on enough to orgasm and can hinder the feeling of the orgasm or just completely prevent it from happening.
I’m not saying that women must have an orgasm before sex. That could help, but it’s so much better for foreplay to happen without an orgasm. Let it build up and then stop it. Because when it’s time for the actual sex it only intensifies things.
When women are warmed up so-to-speak their bodies create more lubricant which is then more enjoyable for both parties. The blood is allowed to gather where it needs (because yes, when we’re turned on the blood goes straight to our vagina’s).
Make sure you are giving foreplay a real chance. Especially if you’ve been with your partner for a long time. It’ll keep the passion ignited and things will stay interesting which will lead to a happier, more fulfilling life together.